Monday, 22 June 2009
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The Health-Care Provider Will See You Now
(I'd Rather See) The Witch Doctor
(with apologies to David Seville, nee Ross Bagdasarian)
I asked to which doctor
am I allowed to go
A DVM from Pakistan,
so said my HMO
He was away, so his P.A.
attended to my woe.He said that
(Chorus)
You've not met your deductible
By cash or card, your bill is payable.
Checks are bad, c-notes acceptable,
Though we like smaller bills
Yes, yes, the pain's unbearable,
and it's theoretically treatable
if you're fiscally responsible,
Pay the bill, then get a pill .I inquired "Which, doctor,
credit or debit card?"
The P.A., well, he seemed to take
my sarcastic tone quite hard
"The doctor was called away today
by a grave emergency".He said that
(Chorus)
Doctor Satterjee was late, you see,
with this month's country club fees.
Also, he wanted to be
the first one off the tees.
(repeat)
Now you've been keeping care from me
and all of your other patients
like it's the gold a greedy miner hoards
We lose more time in waiting,
offered fewer and fewer treatments,
because less care is what an HMO rewards.It matters not to switch doctors
you call upon today
In the USA, the AMA
tells them all just what to say.
The time's nowhere near
that this land here
will switch to single-pay-er.(Chorus)
PPO's and HMO's and
Big Pharma company kickbacks,
the lobbyists for the AMA
are watching our MD backs.
We're organized, incomes are high
And accountants get our taxes back.
Unity is the golden key
and it's what the patients lack.
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Comments (14)
You have the strength, the persuasive angst! Your words make sense without the winded rant. I'm inspired to rally! Only thing is I'm hesitant to blame the doctors, completely. They're allowed to assign a PA or RN or (what's that other long set of initials that indicates one course or so more than a nurse's cert.?).
These doctors who leave countries providing free health care in order to get paid more here are following a drive many people follow. Go where the jobs are. I think that's how some people think about the system (it's complex).
It all is the twisted ammo used against socialized medicine.
I don't know much about supply and demand and cost of living. Maybe this is why a receptionist is paid less than an accountant. Less education, more of them, easy pickings. Pay the rare find more to keep him. Unless we're talking doctors who divide their time between several practices. Not sure how that works, so I'll stop.
Your greek-like chorus hits many notes right on key with fewer screechings of a tirade like mine. Thank you!
@POETIC_ISIS - It's a poetic rant, fer sure. I actually have a couple of good doctors, but I had one once who kept me waiting for 30 minutes while he talked to a drug salesman! He is no longer my gastroenterologist. My new gastric guy is Pakistani, and a wonderful doctor, btw. And I give my eye doctor mucho props for not having the waiting room TV permanently affixed to the Fox News Channel. He is the only doctor I have not so afflicted.
another delicious improvement on the original. You're either the second-coming of Wierd Owl or at the least, one of his three wise men. {You know you're in trouble when the doctor says, "Stick out your tongue, now say' Ooh ee, Ooh ah ah, ting, tang, walla walla bing bang.'"
@jsolberg - Rapper MC C-Addle moved eastward a bit, and became famous for his Native-American jewelry. Yes, it was called Walla-Walla Bling-bling.
That same Dr that kept you waiting for 30 minutes once had me bring my 70+ year old mother to the hospital at 5 am for a 6 am procedure. He didn't show up until 9. His receptionist later told me it was because he was golfing! What a jerk, right?
And don't forget the huge markup at pharmacies on meds. I love this little poem.
Nicely done. Content and form married well.
Makes me happy my over-the-counter counter is under the conifers.
@jsolberg - I think that Weird Al and I were both avid Mad Magazine fanatics. I was greatly influenced by Mad's musical satires.
as a medical student, i find myself thrown into a culture that both praises as well as condemns doctors. on the one hand, a doctor is whom everyone's son and daughter is expected to marry but on the other, doctors are gold diggers. the reality is that at 24 years of age, i'm six-figures in debt and i'm not done with my education yet. (to give you an idea of how much more medical education costs than other professional schools, the fees to sit step 1 of 3 medical licensing exams is close to $1700, whereas i believe fees for sitting the bar exam is $70.) i wouldn't care if doctors got paid less had medical school education cost much less.
What a neat rant. I like the term which and tended to read it as "witch" as I expected you hoped for from at least some of us readers. By the way, I feel lucky if I only have a 30 min. wait and have watched many a drug rep parade through the offices in front of me.
I been thankful that the hospital I have been going to is run by a group of nuns. They keep prices down and have been known to "forgive" debts.
@vexations - I thought about adding a link to the original song, so that the younger readers could listen and hear how dumb our music was back then.
@godfatherofgreenbay - So much for the 'naughty nurse' fantasies in that establishment..
@royal_diadem - Most doctors and nurses are competent and caring, I find. The insurance industry is my villain of choice.
Yes, and definitely not when my own mother is a nurse there. Now the naughty girl doctors...