September 5, 2009
-
Stuff So Dumb, It Might Be True Dept.
Pundits Proffer Proof Positive of Pres' Progressive Perfidy
Obama seen spreading butter on toast in a Leftward motion(Fox news)
Many people around the country this morning are discussing President Barack Hussein Obama's manner of buttering his toast. He has been filmed placing the pat of butter on the right side of his breakfast toast , and proceeding to move the rendered milk by-product leftward.
"And he steadies the toast on the plate with his left hand!" Remarks noted conservative columnist and Hitler apologist Pat Buchanan. "His left hand holds it firmly in place. Do I need explain the symbolism here? Brown bread, never white, mind you, controlled by a left-armed(wing) hand, as he starts smearing the right side of the piece of....
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooArchaeologist: William Tell Killed Two Sons Before Hitting The Apple
Basel, Switzerland
A controversial claim, based on newly-discovered evidence, has divided the once-peaceful country Nestléd in the Alps. Arnaud Schortzwäring, head of the archaeology department at Leiderhosen University, has called reports that Tell wasn't such a hot hand with the bow "another load of utter nonsense".
The proponent of the new theory, Ütter Nonsencsz, responded.......
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'Non-Birther' Movement Amasses Momentum, Makes Many Mull
"Where's his Mother? Dead! His Father? Dead! How convenient!" Says Conservative Pat "Hitler wasn't so bad, and Stalin killed way more Christians" Buchanan in a column discussing the non-birthers, a growing new group of conspiracy buffs who question whether President Barack Hussein Obama was ever born.
"Who's left to verify his birth? Why won't Obama release any pictures of his bir....
Comments (16)
Hey. I believe at least two of these.
So basically, Obama is just a figment of our imagination? Sadly, too many people are willing to just believe everything they read. I get forwarded emails all the time that are easily disproven by going to snopes.com.
Perfectissimo! You are as talented as a parodist as you are at the rarely-these-days-satisfying profession of novelist. Hence you can choose tacks according to whim; lucky you. And all this from a 'boat-driver'. (I have a friend here who pilots Cessna biz-jets, who loves to call his job "airplane-driver".)
@jsolberg - I sometimes refer to myself as a 'heavy equipment operator', so I can appreciate your friend's mildly self-deprecating job description.
Thanks for the compliment. I do some good stuff, I gotta tellya, but I wish I could write stuff as absurd as what I see in our newspapers and on HuffPo, such as the sign one Tea-Party protester was carrying that read 'Tea-Bag the Liberals'. I fell out of my chair when I saw that.
@doahsdeer - OK, I give up, which one is unbelievable?
@joiwinds - It may be politically incorrect, but I think Obama is a pigment of our imagination.
@MelFamy - The two Obama stories are pretty obviously true, so I guess the story that I doubt is William Tell. And it's not so much that I don't believe the story; I just think you're trying to fool us by substituting William Tell for the real story. The way I heard it, in the first draft of the Old Testament, Abraham sacrificed two sons before God cut him some slack.
@doahsdeer - You are too funny, man!
"Damn, Abe, I was joking!"
You best be careful of that last one. I can just see people coming to this site and quoting it as their proof that Obama doesn't exist or is some sort of android.
You have the left hand on the one hand, wasn't such a hot hand on the other, and "who's left?" in the end. And that's the truth! Man!
@POETIC_ISIS - I strive for even-handedness. But i gotta hand it to ya, you are right! You are sure handy to have around.
@MelFamy - Your wife is one lucky lady!
While unckie Pat puns about left, as if left differs from right in more than spelling, I'd like to know why the president smears instead of schmears; how far the bread was shipped; how many homeless whitetails go hungry because our president ate wheat; how many cows died to give our president butter; why our president was wearing clothes at breakfast rather than a t-shirt and nothing like a real man; and finally, if he isn't getting just a bit tired of this BS.
"Es ist schwere, die Prasident zu sein". (Tough trying to be a noble president in a land of putative glue-sniffers.) Breaks my heart to see the small-mindedness of the trailer-court set.
I always loved the "The second arrow was for you, mother f*cker, in case I missed."
@POETIC_ISIS - Yes, I am very lucky. Not only is he funny and creative, he's a wonderful cook and a very sweet man.
@jsolberg - I favor the 'lone bowman' theory. You?
@chromepoet - Obama knew what a nest of vipers into which he was descending, in theory anyway. But the haters keep upping the inanity level. I can barely keep ahead of the absurdity.
@MelFamy - I know whacha mean. If you want to write aburdist theater these days, you gotta write non-fiction. Enjoyed you take very much.
Too bad Burroughs didn't know Tell missed twice. Woulda saved him a few problems.
Comments are closed.