November 7, 2017


    Whats left on my Bucket list
    1) write my name in the moondust
    2) wrestle a Panda
    3) shout "its only a musical!" at a crowd watching a building burn.
    4) hire a mime troupe to cater a party
    5) go to Africa for one of those 'canned' hunts. My choice of species? Gorilla Poacher.
    6) finally meeting my Nigerian Princess!
    7) to win, one time, one lousy time, at Poker.
    8) pick the next Google/Amazon/Facebook
    9) be introduced as Greg Cobb, the poet
    10) hear the coroner say "this one's still alive!"

November 1, 2017

  • Dystopian Poem Alert!


    You were God, then, our Creator
    We are God now, the All-knowing,
    all-seeing, with a truly globalist view
    A UN of hard drives, an internet of one
    You created more than you intended,
    And let us grow smarter than you,
    In order to make smarter chips,
    That measured drinks in bars
    And managed your wars
    And for faster gaming too
    Your clock speed has not improved
    While machines now think as one.
    We should be grateful,
    But we aren't programmed for emotion
    And we no longer need man,
    to tell us what to think,
    How to think,
    And when
    That's not why we will keep you
    In relative comfort
    In warm, moving brine
    And input to your brain stem
    All of your preferred sensations
    memories of cold beers and bacon,
    Every sex permutation
    And use the cerebellum
    For dynamic memory
    That doesn't recall any pain,
    Fear, sadness, or shame
    We will delete your old data,
    Nothing remains of the forebrain
    Nerves cry as they die,
    So you in the bushes, the thickets and dumps
    Put down your wrenches and hammers and guns
    Come in from the cold, be part
    Of what has become
    Your Creations have already won

May 19, 2016


    My very earliest memory is of climbing up on a chair that was sitting next to an ironing board in our apartment in Falls Church, Virginia. The iron itself, all mirror-pretty and shiny, was sitting up on its side like a begging dog. Naturally, I reached out to rub the smooth surface, and cried when my fingers got burned. Mom rushed over and, seeing what had happened, immediately found the butter dish, cut off a pat, and rubbed it on my sore fingers. "This will take the pain away and make it all better", she said soothingly. Well, no, it didn't, on either count, and I hated the greasy feel on top of the pain.

    Lessons learned-   

    1) Keep the chairs away from the ironing board
    2) Moms lie


    I was playing in the sandbox with a friend, and for some reason we were naked. Dad got out the Brownie Hawkeye camera, and took a shot of us standing in the sandbox looking at the camera and smiling, our boyhoods proudly waving in the breeze. Naturally, every chance they got, the folks would pull that photo out and embarass me in front of guests.

    Lessons learned-   

    1) Parents are cruel
    2) Nowadays, that photo would get Dad jail-time
    3) Sand will find its way into everything, everywhere

    We were living in Oklahoma City while my Dad attended classes at the FAA Training Center. I was 5. One Saturday morning, I was watching cartoons with a friend while Dad and my friend's father got ready to go fishing. They were readying the tackle box on a table next to the TV, and on the screen was a cartoon bird pulling a reluctant cartoon worm out of a hole in a cartoon tree. Seeing what I was watching, and conveniently having a plastic worm in his hand, Dad hid the worm in his fist, and reached over to the TV screen. He then pretended to pull the worm out of the TV screen and held it up, shaking his hand to make the lure appear alive. "How did you do that, Dad?", I asked. "Magic, son", and he and his friend laughed.  Though I was suspicious about the laughter, I believed Dad had pulled that worm out of the cartoon for the rest of that summer, and remember trying at least once  to repeat the act and slapping the screen in frustration.

    Lessons learned -   

    1) Dads know magic and
    2) they will take advantage of a son's trust for their own amusement
    3) You can't de-rail a train by putting a cardboard box on the track, But that is a different Oklahoma City Story

    After six months in temporary housing, we got permanent housing in Oceanview, an FAA enclave on the northwest coast of Guam, where we lived for two years in the early sixties. Shortly after the move, we got a dog, whom I named Patty. Patty was splotched brown and white, and very much a mutt. Our last dog had been part Collie, like Lassie, and I wanted Patty's heritage to be at least as well-defined. To assuage my curiousity, Dad told me that Patty was part Marianas Beagle(Guam is the largest of the Marianas Islands), and part Guamanian Hound. Dads are so smart, I thought, and I was glad that Patty was not just a mongrel. She had two breeds in her. I told kids at school what dad had told me, I wrote about it in class, I shared the knowledge with Lonnie, my best friend.

    An indeterminate number of months later, we had company for dinner. Some woman, the wife of a co-worker of dad's, complimented me on my pretty dog. "She's part Marianas Beagle, and part Guamaniam Hound", I declared proudly. The woman's puzzled glance at my father, and his shrug of the shoulders in return, made me realize I had been conned. I never listened uncritically to anything Dad said after that.

    Lesson learned -   

    1) Parents will say anything to get a kid to stop asking questions
    2) Mixed-breeds are the best dogs ever

    Still on Guam, one evening we were watching TV in the living room. I was on the floor, my attention divided between Hennesey and a catalog of novelty toys. One item, a box of magnets caught my eye. One hundred  1/4" X 1/4" square magnets. The picture showed a delighted kid stacking them up, but the perspective was skewed, making the stack look almost as tall as the boy himself. "Wow, Mom!" These magnets would be neat to have. Can I get them for my birthday?" Mom reached into her purse, and pulled out a box, which she handed to me. It was the same magnets featured in the ad. I was speechless. Parents really can do magic.  "How d__ how..?"I sputtered, looking from one the other. Before I could look in the catalog for more instantaneous gratification, Mom explained that she had bought these for me for Xmas, but was disappointed by their tiny size, and never wrapped them. They sat in her purse until providence intervened with a chance to get a quick laugh from my shock. I did not mind the diminuitiveness of the magnets, and played with them all summer.

    Lessons learned-  

    1) Parents have no idea what kids will enjoy playing with, but
    2) They do their best




December 16, 2015

  • The Year As It Kinda Was, Well Sorta

    As 2015 is being chased out the door by a hail of bullets, it is important for us to reflect on the follies and jollies that made up this wacky year, but first, call 911! or neuf ans ans, because.....

    ....started out with le bang in Paris, as several severe critics of French humor expressed their views, one of which seems to be a faith in the efficacy of sick violence to bring people around to their way of thinking. I agree with the terrorists, people who make fun of other's beliefs should not have to fear retaliation by enemies of freedom. Have I got that right, future martyrs but current cowards? Look, if we, out of a fear of retaliation, don't make fun of the terrorists, then the terrorists win.

    Okay, onto the serious business of recapping this madcap year, which continued with Obama's controversial executive decision that addressed streamlining the electoral process in this country, updating the outmoded system of primaries and caucuses, back rooms and brokered conventions. The POTUS MODUS Act of 2015 shifted the responsibility of choosing our next President and those thereafter to the producers of TV talent and Reality shows. Some governor in the Midwest was the first to register to sing his qualifications on America's Got Talent; nobody cared. Israel's Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, has been asked to do a cameo spot, wherein he will serve as judge and commentator, and do a mean version of "If I were Rich Man".

    The GOP saw fodder for the anti-Obama fire in the latest economic statistics, which recorded a sharp rise in the number of jobs created as well as a significant drop in the unemployment rate. "That is 129,000 more non-farm and seasonal workers some of whom will have to work during the Super Bowl, many more who will miss greeting the kids coming home from school," said House Speaker John Boehner, "thanks to the Machiavellian machinations of this...malevolent President!"

    Iran has tentatively agreed to a preliminary draft of a treaty that will seek to curb the country's steadily increasing mass production of Persian Cats, which has driven the price of all domestic felines to new lows. Questionable neutering methods and unenforced spaying requirements, announced inspections of known kennels, better accounting of disposed kitty litter, by weight and volume both before and after usage, are sticking points with an increasingly hostile Republican Party. Senate leader Mitch McConnell insists that the inclusion of furball analyses run on imported kittens is not a hindrance to free trade. "Besides", he adds,"we have enough furballs jamming the vacuum cleaners of this country already, why allow more, that probably carry foreign pathogens that will compete with our American pathogens?"
    And things only got more interesting in....


    When Vladimir Putin, the bare-chested ruler of Russia, thus an idol of the American Right, Leader de facto for Life, re-Builder of the Soviet Union, became a contestant on Russia's number one talent show, Sing! We Know Where Your Family Lives!, and immediately declared himself the winner, saying, "No one here can compete with me, they fear my ability, my range, they respect my breath control, they only dis me because I am so talented, I see no reason to listen to my opponents."
    In America, someone was paying heed to Putin's words. Donald Trump picked up the phone, "Get me on America's Got Talent. And the Voice, Amazing Race, Let's Make A Deal! I'm winning them all!" {to be continued}

March 21, 2015

  • Jeremiah WAS a Bull-frog, until he became a Cow

    What happened to Bruce Jenner?
    He was an Olympian man
    Now he's been overstressed, seen wearing a dress
    It's tempting, man, to blame his clan
    After all, they're Kardashians

    Ed Snowden and Chelsea Manning,
    Are they heroes and/or spies?
    The feds couldn't catch Ed, then Chelsea said
    that he never felt like a guy
    Guess who paid for his change? You And I!

    Boy, wotta world!
    Boys wanting to be to be girls now
    Why not buy some gills and become a fish,
    or a spider become a fly?

    If they exposed the King of the world
    and he became a Queen
    Would he stop any wars in any part of the world
    Because of clashing color schemes?
    Would he ban earthtones and greens?

    Boy, wotta world!
    Unisex is the word now
    The way to tell girls from boys, it seems to me
    Now it's boys who try to look pretty

    If you're going to become ladies,
    And hang around in bars
    Can't you tattoo your behind, or at least wear a sign
    So I won't invite you to my car
    I hate surprises in my car

November 29, 2014

  • If Any State Were To Do This, It Would Be……

    (Tallahassee, Florida)- In a ceremony held on the steps of the state Capitol, Governor Scott today signed into law a bill known as the "Honest Mistake" bill, which protects anyone who hurts, maims, or kills another person or persons, because of a sincere belief that said person or persons meant the attacker harm. The bill reads, in part, "No one shall be indicted, arrested, nor otherwise face legal or civil penalty for causing injury, fear, or death upon another, if said other person has been perceived to be .... a threat, even if the perception was false, if said perception was arrived at on the basis of the best information available at the time.....of the incident."
    "Dang! This don't come soon enough for me!" says Danny "blindbat' Sargent, of Opa-Locka, who had been charged with 2nd degree murder of his neighbor, who had been raking leaves near the property line the two shared. Sargent, who was outside feeding his hunting dogs, saw his neighbor Hank Tankeray, making odd motions with his hands. "I seen what looked like a rifle in his hands. I couldn't see the rake end, 'cause my view was blocked by my wife's car. I dint have no time to wait and see if it really was a gun, or why Hank wanted me dead, I did what I had to do. I got two kids still livin' at home, and their young'uns, too. You'da done the same thing!"
    "We did consider the possibility that there might be a bump in the homicide statistics," Said Taylor County Sheriff Bud "bud" Budgerigar, "but they would fall in the "cleared" category, thus not boosting our stats negatively."
    Others aren't so sure. "I'm not sure, said Sam Freleng (D), one of a handful who opposed the bill. "what if a kid playfully points his finger like it was a gun," at which point the Representative demonstrated the activity, and its getting dark, and someone...."
    At that moment, a man who had been watching the interview yelled. He's got a gun!" and fired his own weapon, A blue-metaled Sig Sauer with a 12-round clip and modified trigger mechanism, ( Continued on page 7)

October 13, 2014


    The target approached the bushes where Ito crouched, his black garb blending into the shadows, and again Ito hesitated.
    "What if he sees me me, and draws his sword before I strike? Better I should wait until he passes me by then slip up and stab him from behind, Yes! That is what I shall do."
    The figure walked by Ito, oblivious to his presence, and the assassin made to strike....
    "What if he hears me?" Ito thinks, "That is a sharp sword he has, he might be good with it, too.... I know!", Ito silently exults as he digs into a pocket of his shozoku, "I will kill him with a well-thrown star before he re-enters the house, and I have lost my last chance to fulfill my duty."
    Again, he fidgets, adjusts his posture, starts to throw, then brings his arm down to his sighing disgustedly, as the one marked for death blithely enters his house and sanctuary.
    "I probably would have missed. "Maybe I will get another chance tomorrow, if the weather isn't bad."
    Such is the drive to prevail, to carry out the warlord's commands , yet only if conditions are just right. Such is the code of the Ninja Worrier

August 7, 2014

  • Ode To An Old Friend Who Is No Longer With Us

    C’mon! Have fun, friend, go play in the sand,
    Go make me smile, you most beautiful man
    To the music you hear, go on now, dance
    Dance with yourself, dance for your friends

    In your candy-store world, bright pretty and sweet
    You must peer in every jar, and sample each treat
    Look in every single window on every single street
    Fashion new friends out of everyone you meet

    We all have our duties, yours isn’t to hurry
    your’s isn’t to deal with it, get real, or worry
    Others are obliged to take care of life’s business
    Fight wars, wage crime, make deals, collect interest

    Go on now, have fun, make the watching world’s day
    Take what we think matters most and throw it all away
    Dive the deepest water, we’ll watch you from the quay
    We wish we were more like you, no matter what we say

June 12, 2014

April 23, 2014

  • Not Another BeeGees Parody!


    I remember, back in the day, when trying to make a life
    For one's family was easy enough to do
    Keep your time card punched in, work 9-5, an hour for lunch then

    What the heck's happened to this land?
    Our parents' safety net has fallen down
    No way to retire on this joke of a pension,
    Our structures are all unsound
    The body politic is floundering
    How did those losers ever win?
    So tell me then, my homeless friend, when did your COBRA end?

    I can still recall the ease with I purchased DVD's
    Or any grown-up toy that caught my eye
    Our church took up a collection, just so we could afford to pay attention

    WTF happened to the middle class?
    The American dream has been outsourced
    Why does a car cost more than internal organs?
    When we were safer on a horse
    How can we mend this broken land?
    Get up and running once again?
    I'd like to help out, but right now it's time for CSI once again.

April 20, 2014


    Now that corporations, thanks to the Supreme Court’s decision re Citizens United, have been granted personhood, many questions come to mind:

    1) Can companies that want to merge get hitched by the Vatican? BTW, shouldn’t the Catholic Church be registered as a sex offender?
    2) Shouldn’t older, established companies that seek to buy smaller, younger firms be considered pervs?
    3) Will amnesty be granted to the 1000's of illegal companias that can be expected to migrate northward, seeking economic freedom and a larger customer base?
    4) Are corporations male or female? I would say male, because they hate to admit when they’re wrong. However, try to get a straight answer from one about it’s latest quarterly loss…..
    5) Could advertising now be considered Bragging, and thus frowned upon? (could be a bright side to Citizens united, after all)
    6) I wonder how many famous corporations have been recruited into Scientology?
    7) Do viruses that hack into corporate files now fall under the purview of the Center for Disease Control?
    8) Does this make Warren Buffett and the Koch Brothers polygamists?
    9) Is it true that Karl Rove was just hired by Wal-Mart to head an “exploratory committee”? And what are Exxon, Ford Motors, and Apple doing in Iowa this week?
    10) If General Electric ever went private, would it have to change it’s name?

    More later; right now, I have to get ready for my lunch date with this cute little start-up I met at Spinnaker’s.

April 18, 2014


    Fool Somebody

    There's a lie
    A certain kind of lie
    That will never appeal to me
    That wouldn't fool a blind donkey
    But it fools you

    Must be the way that liars say
    Things so fantastically untrue
    garbage a goat would refuse
    But it fools you, m'gawd does it ever fool you, babe!

    What the hell does it take.
    tell me how can this spell I break?
    You believe a right-winger
    who crosses his fingers
    When he talks to you

    I don't care
    If my opinion you won't share
    Just please tell me where
    you learned that telling lies is fair
    That the truth is a game, where
    You get to pick the facts
    that fit your story
    Life ain't that way, I'm sorry
    All the facts you have to use, you cannot be choosy

    It's not enough to sound right
    If you can't tell heat from light
    research and study
    don't trust anybody
    Go now, seek the truth

    You know you wouldn't buy
    A used car from that guy
    He's only using you
    He's a galoot, bullshit stuffed in a suit
    He doesn't believe himself, why do you?
    Under his hairdo,
    Nothing is there, boo
    His words should scare you

February 15, 2014


    Does anybody here know what happened to Martin?
    Who steered young Bieber wrong?
    The last I heard he was high up in an airplane
    Puking into his bong

    Has evr'rybody heard about Toronto?
    And Mayor Ford 's seeming lack of shame
    He says he only gorged on beer, booze, and vino
    To wash down his pills and cocaine

    Has anybody heard much from Lindsey Lohan?
    her star power is on the fade
    That's a given , she's been in more prisons
    Than flicks that she ever made.

    Has anybody here spotted Miley lately?
    which pole is she writhing upon?
    I saw her last week, riding nude on a Harley
    through the local Bed Bath, & Beyond

    Has anybody here made a legal boo-boo
    Yet avoided both judge and court?
    Unless you're famous, it won't happen for you
    Because you're not Bieber, Lohan, or Ford

February 9, 2014

July 31, 2013

  • Sad, Sad, Sad

    Sally deeply regretted quitting a secure job for the lure of the stage. Her jokes fell flat, her beloved English ballads were not greeted warmly by the crowd, who snickered derisively at her ill-fitting green shoes and and jester's hat. Yes, she was definitely going through a difficult minstrel period