March 1, 2013

• HAPPY SEQUESTER WEEKEND!

  Yes, Congress has declared a new national holiday, Sequester, to be celebrated not on a particular date, nor on the 1st-7th Sun-Sat of Jan-Dec., but whenever common sense and the need for all concerned representatives to come together, for America’s sake, and leave theirs and their party’s interests in the locker room. Yes, whenever these vectors reach a pre-set tipping point, Congress goes home, and advises all Americans to stay in theirs.  Word of festivities will spread like wildfires, which will spread like there is no money available to hire anyone to fight them.

  The origins of the Holiday are murky. In an uncommon spirit of generosity, Democrats and Republicans each give the other Party credit, when the truth is that both organizations worked equally hard to make this  most memorable event a reality. 

  The excitement really starts to build after the Weather bureau lays off its workforce, and winter storms surprise delighted Mid-Westerners with their unforeseen ferocity and length. Sad news for the kiddies; the FEMA parades that pass through disaster-stricken towns have been largely canceled. But hey, there is always time to play in the choleric mud puddles, and see which of your pals can make his tummy growl loudest.

  As usual, The President and First Lady will preside over the Budget Cut Roll on the White House lawn. It is always a fun time, watching the amusing antics of the lobbyists, laughing as they fight over the pre-allocated funds spilling out of the pork barrel, bouncing and bumping its way downhill.

  Across the nation, policemen, firefighters, garbagemen, and their families are all eagerly planning what to do with their unplanned, open-ended vacation time. Do they go to Grandma’s house? Take the family to the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Europe even? Or do they get involved in stay-at-home family-oriented activities and games, such as Stretch The Dollar, Life Without Cable, and, if Congress keeps it promise to ‘make every day Sequester day”, Bungee Dumpster.

  But the serious side of the Holiday should not be forgotten, The nightly vigil, the silent gathering of Americans who scan the horizon, hoping to be the first to spot The Great Non-Partisan, who, they say, will unite the political parties, the houses of the Senate and Congress, and the Executive Branch into a waste-fighting, efficiency-oriented machine with the common goals of paying down the national debt in a responsible manner, then going forward with a sensible budget that is forward-looking and visionary, yet grounded in solid financial reality.Not everybody believes that such a being exists, although everybody wants him to be real. 

  And so, we wait, with friends and extended family, standing around the cooking fire, knowing Dad will navigate the crowded streets with their darkened traffic lights and uncleared wrecks blocking lanes. and bring us whatever food he could afford, wondering when the holiday will end,  or whether Congress will make every day SEQUESTER DAY!

   

  • 7:19 am
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