September 7, 2011

  • By A Hunter's Moon, chapter 5

    CHAPTER FIVE

    Lekos, the second mercenary, kept his sword pressed to Vali's neck, ignoring the low growl from the large dog to his right.

    Iorghu did not ignore Seeker. "Lucian, send the dog outside, or he dies inside."

    "Go, Seeker." Lucian told the dog, who looked from brother to brother with a whine.

    "GO! Now!" Lucian yelled, and Seeker left the cottage quickly. He turned to look as the door was closed by the new one.

    He was worried, things were not right. By now, he should laying by the fire, and the brothers should be talking to the rocks-with-leaves. And the tall one, Lucian called him Dragos, would join them, as he had every night for the past week, and take his turn talking to the rock-with-leaves. Things were not right.

    Seeker sniffed the air, he caught a faint whiff of Dragos' scent, the undernote of decay that usually accompanied those who would never move again. And there was another scent, similar to Dragos', that was stronger and nearer, and led to the place where The Woman lay. Seeker mourned her passing, she had been in his life since he could remember. He would accompany Vali when he picked flowers for her. He would listen as Vali talked to her, in a strange choked voice that he never used otherwise. But The Woman never responded, Seeker knew she never would. Still, she needed protecting, and Seeker could do that, at least. He followed the scent, now almost masked by the smells of two of the Bad Men and their steeds, down the path.

    As he walked by the men's horses, all scent trails converged on the crypt, from which came a loud crash and then one scream. Seeker stopped, looked back at the house with a whine, and settled in the grass, waiting for the men to come out. Before they did, Skender rode up, dismounted, and studied the scene before walking up to, and into, the crypt. The door closed behind him.

    "I think I will keep the barn, but this hovel I will burn to the ground, along with these books of yours, Vali."

    Vali said nothing, but Lucian answered Iorghu as only a hot-headed youth can.

    "You cannot take our land on such flimsy evidence. You dishonor your friendship with our Father."

    "Flimsy evidence, you are right." Iorghu picked up Merku's lower left mandible, seeming to study it for flaws. "There are two reasons for your vampire to have my proof that we earned our pay, and the town did pay, knowing my good reputation."

    "And your bad." Lucian snarled.

    Iorghu ignored him. "One, you stole it, and either gave it to your vampire, or two, he took it from me." Iorghu looked at Vali with sad eyes. "You are not a thief, a traitor to your kind, mayhap, but a thief? That you are not."

    The leader of the vampire hunters arose from his seat at the table before continuing. "Tell me, at these readings of yours, do you sit in your Father's chair, being the eldest?" Vali nodded his assent, the question he wanted to ask left unvoiced. Iorghu continued, "And Lucian, my hot-headed protester of innocence, you sit, where?"

    'Over there, mostly, but we are not always seated...."

    "Yes, I am sure the excitement of a reading precludes a still environment" He laughed and coughed simultaneously. "See, how just being around you two raises my vocabulary? Perhaps I will keep you around as farmhands. I can arrange that with the authorities, to have you serve your sentence for harboring a creature of Satan's creation!"

    "A charge you have yet to prove, Iorghu." Vali felt Lekos press the blade harder against the side of his neck.

    "Yes, let me continue." Iorghu paused, as if to gather his thoughts, but his breathing was labored. "So, you" indicating Vali, "sat here, Lucian sat there."

    Lucian was impatient, "Get to the point, Iorghu. Emilian and your simpleton of a son could have killed a dozen vampires by now."

    Lucian had stepped close enough to the older man that Iorghu's slap had the full force of his right arm behind it. Lucian dropped to one knee, then stood up, wiping the blood from his split lip on his sleeve. Iorghu's knife was out of its sheath, but Iorghu merely used it to point to a stool next to the fireplace.

    "And who has been sitting there, sons of my disgraced friend? See? Accumulated dust on the edge of the seat, but where a person's backside meets the wood, it is polished cleaned by, whom, the cur?" He walked over to the window, lifted the thin sheepskin that blocked the wind, yet let in some light. Night had fallen, the moon had yet to rise, and a bank of fog had drifted up from the valley below. He motioned to Lekos to allow Vali to stand.

    "Let's take in the night air. I have a feeling more company will be joining us."

  • By A Hunter's Moon, chapter 6

    CHAPTER SIX

    Skender saw the dog slink away at his approach. He thought about killing it with a throw of his knife, but better to tend to the task at hand.

    He knew Iorghu should not have sent those two; Iosif was good for heavy lifting and intimdation, but little else. Emilian had been incautious on this hunt, an older and wiser red-eye would have evaded them because of his haste. He did not call their names before openng the heavy door, his voice would not carry, and he already knew they would not answer. After grabbing Iosif's torch from the holder beside the door, he stepped into the crypt. He closed the door behind him.

    Skender scanned the room, reading the story told by the shattered vase, the trickle of drying blood running down the side of the large, but plain final resting place.

    Inside the casket, Istok felt his strength returning rapidly. He should find another hiding place, he thought. Just then the door shut with a thud. He pressed his nose to the crack where casket and lid met, and sniffed, it was Skender. Good! He would kill him just as he killed his friends, or maybe .... Istok smiled at the thought of the killer as his acolyte. Then Skender spoke, his sibilant whisper quite audible to the vampire's ears.

    "You bested them, you killed them both, and dragged them in there with you." Skender sighed, he dropped to one knee, leaned closer to the lid, where Iosif's legging had been pinched, leaving a gap into which he spoke. "But they would have killed you, would they not? And now, the struggle for life continues, my friends will be coming soon. Only I stand between you and freedom, red-eye. Do you want to live?"

    Istok listened, but did not trust the man who had been trying so very hard to kill him. Skender continued his monologue.

    "Listen to me, I am not like them, I am like you." He paused for effect. "My mother was unaware that she carried me when she agreed to be changed. That had never happened before, to anyone's knowledge. My blood intermingled with her sponsor's blood, it changed me, but not all the way. I eat human food, have human desires, but I can see, hear, smell, and taste as well as a yearling red-eye." He grimaced at the gap to show his teeth. "See? They pulled my fangs."

    "So why kill vampires? Iorghu hunted down my mother, killed her, but not before ripping me from her womb. He left me at an orphanage for 12 years, a monthly stipend and annual visits kept the wards from mistreating me. He saw that I was not going to change further, had seen evidence of my senses, and he channeled my anger and bitterness into killing those who had robbed me of a mother and a chance at a normal life." He thought he saw a flash of somethng red through the crack, a reflection off its eye.

    "Tell me, Istok. Yes, we know your name, Ferka does our research, not as well as Vali did, however. Tell me, do you want to live?" There was no answer. Silently, Skender pulled his knife, the long one, from its scabbard. There was no sound from the casket. "I closed the door behind me, to show my good faith, I could not escape, should you be yet unsated."

    Yes, Istok wanted to live, he wanted to hunt, not be hunted. This one's guilt might be his key to freedom. He would kill him anyway, he wondered what half-breed vampire blood would taste like.

    When Skender repeated his question, Istok pressed close to the gap and said, "Yes."

    Skender watched the gap, waiting for a response. When the answer came, he saw the creature's red eye, and he quickly slipped the knife into the opening, thrusting it in all the way to the hilt, feeling flesh and bone give way as it went.

    The slab flew off its position as if lifted by the scream that it preceded. Istok flew out of Ileanna's resting place with an ungodly howl. The knife was embedded in his right eye, only a few inches had not penetrated into his skull. He ran into the wall, breaking the haft off even with the wound, the blood of two victims gushed out, spraying the room with each violent motion of Istok's head.

    Skender scrambled out of the way of the red-eye's throes. He had thought a brain injury so severe would stop the creature, they had never had a chance to experiment with the concept.

    But it did seem to have render it senseless, Istok was lurching blindly from one side of the crypt to the other. He grabbed Grandfather Pyotr's casket from its position above His grandfather, and pulled it to the ground with a loud crash. Its contents spilled out at Skender's feet. He got his short blade ready to fight, but Istok had found the door and burst through it, breaking it off the iron hinges as he stumbled out into the black night.

    Once outside, Iorghu coughed violently, he looked down the trail leading to the crypt, then spoke to Ferka, who spoke the sick man's words for him. Lekos had lifted his knife from Vali's neck, but had not sheathed it. Petru held Lucian at bay with Vali's beloved jezail; he wondered if he would ever hunt with it again.

    Creature!" Ferka shouted. "You have formed a bond, an unholy one, with these brothers. We ask, how strong a bond? Would you risk everything for them, as they did for you?

    The voice came from the direction of the barn, but closer. "Release my friends, and go in peace."

    In one smooth motion Iorghu drew his pistol and shot Lucian above the left knee. He cried out and fell to the ground. Vali rushed to his side, ignoring Lekos, who followed him, sword held at the ready. Iorghu ignored the scene he had created and turned to face the incoming fog.

    "You have little time to make a decision, vampire. May I assume that you are Merku's whelp? That you followed Vali here after he quit my party?" He had reloaded the pistol as he talked, now Iorghu aimed the weapon at Lucian's right knee.

    "There is no need for that, I am here." Dragos walked out of the mist, his cloak billowing out behind him. He stopped ten feet from Iorghu.

    "Give yourself up, demon, to our mercies, and they go free, free to farm this land, until they die."

    "No." Dragos smiled, the rising moon added an orange cast to his usual pallor. "I suggest that you let them go, or I will kill you, slowly, with fang and fire."

    The bullet from the jezail tore into Drago's left side, passing through a lung, but missing any ribs. Dragos staggered, but did not fall. Blood oozed from his mouth. "You have one bullet, already I am healing. Make it count." And Dragos lunged for Iorghu as he turned his pistol from Lucian to his prey of choice. The scream from the direction of the crypt paused both men, all looked down the path. The scream had become high-pitched, the wail of a wounded and frightened vampire.

    Iorghu looked at Dragos. "Which of you is Istok?"

    Then the creature was among them. Iorghu had no time to aim the pistol before he was knocked to the ground. Istok was vainly grabbing at his head as he rushed by. His bloody fingers made purchase on the steel nigh impossible. Then Lekos bravely stepped in and swung his sword n a wide arc cutting off Istok's left arm at the elbow, and drawing blood from his side.

    Istok managed to seize Lekos' sword arm and pulled the mercenary to him. He grabbed Lekos' head and, with beguiling ease tore it from its rightful place. The body fell to the ground, blood spurting from the neck. Istok flung the head away and swung his arms back and forth, hoping to catch another of his hated pursuers.

    Vali covered Lucian's body with his own as the senseless monster lumbered by. Petru had dropped the now-unloaded rifle in the dirt, and was advancing on Istok, looking for an opening. Iorghu was reaching for the pistol that lay on the ground next to his foot, with which he kicked the flintlock out of reach just before the big man could grab it. Dragos was gasping for breath, the rifle ball had hurt him more than He had let on. In a corner of his mind, Vali realized that Dragos was not an 'it' to him, not anymore.

    He tackled Petru just as was he about to bring his sword down on Dragos, who had slumped to the ground. They rolled across the yard, each trying to gain the upper hand. Vali, though once a great soldier, was no match for a battle-hardened man fresh from the wars in the West, and soon the soldier was atop him, hands around Vali's throat. Vali's struggles abated as his muscles lost oxygen. He looked into the eyes of his killer.

    Petru's eyes were unfocused, his grip on Vali's throat lessened, and Vali sucked in air as fast as possible. Petru fell on his chest, and Vali pushed him off, seeing then what had caused his weakness.

    Dragos pulled his mouth away from Petru's calf. The blood was good, he would never quit again. His strength was returning, with the influx of the life-giving fluid. Vali looked at him with a mixture of horror and gratitude. The blood, accelerated by adrenaline, was pumping through Vali's vessels with a rushing sound that Dragos could hear, a call to dinner he fought not to heed.

    Iorghu walked up to Dragos and shot him behind the ear with the finally-recovered pistol. The demon fell over without a sound.

    "God Damn you." Vali yelled, "he just saved me. "

    "He was just feeding, you stupid fool. He would have fed on you eventually." Skender walked out of the gloom, the horses having run off in a panic. Iorghu's question went unvoiced when Skender nodded.

    "Oh Iosif, poor child. Well, at least his Mother died first, saving me that sad task." He looked at his second-in-command. "Are there any more? Skender said no. "Are you sure, apparently, you have been wrong before." Off towards the barn, Istok's moans punctuated Iorghu's queries.

    Ferku joined the party gathered around Dragos' body. Vali looked Iorghu to where his brother had lain, he was not there. To keep him from following his gaze, Vali addressed Iorghu. "What happens now?" You have your red-eye, in fact, you have two. Two rewards, and fewer still with whom to divide them." Keep looking at me, Vali willed. He hoped Lucian had the strength to do what Vali hoped he was doing. "What need have you for a farm?"

    Iorghu took one step towards Vali, and knocked him to the ground with a hard right cross to the abdomen. He kicked Vali when he tried to get up, then stepped on his neck, putting much of his bulk into holding the farmer down. He reloaded his weapon as Ferka stepped in and kicked Vali's ribs repeatedly.

    "Stop, Ferka. I want him to see the ball come out of the barrel, and into his eye." He knelt and raised his weapon. "I lost a son, and you think I am glad for the extra profit?

    Vali looked at his executioner through a pain-induced haze. "You, not him, are the monster."

    Seeker followed Skender at a respectful distance. He was aware of the scents of blood and death, but there was too much to make sense of. What he did understand was that his master was getting hurt by the Bad Men.By the time the biggest had his gun pointed at Vali, Seeker was running, as Iorghu pulled the trigger, the dog jumped and hit his arm. The shot deafened Vali, he felt the ball dig into the earth next to his left ear.

    Seeker bit deep into Iorghu's arm, and only let go when Ferka ran him through with his sword. With a yelp, Seeker fell to the ground, gravely wounded. Vali cried out hoarsely, "No, no.... My God, no!" Ferka pulled the sword from the dog's middle, and drew it back as he readied to swing it at Vali. The first shot from the two-barreled pistol hit Ferka in the chest, the second smashed through Iorghu's eye, hittng his brain, killing him instantly.

    Lucian was in the doorway of the cottage, the two barrel smoking in his hand. He started to reload it, but Skender, the last man standing, ran quickly to Lucian and stabbed him in the back with his dirk.. Vali watched helplessly as Skender lifted his brother's head and prepared to slice his neck. He looked at Vali, and grinned, pleased that brother would watch brother die.

    Istok had been ignored during the mayhem at the house, no one even heard, or cared, when he fell into the sheep pen and made a meal of several loudly-bleating animals. Nothing eased the pain, and he had trouble thinking of anything else, but hunting gave hm something to do, and his senses had returned, to some extent. Except sight, the part of the brain that carred out that task was severed from the rest, but in the fog and darkness, he still had the advantage. Slowly, methodically, he ran down and killed every denizen of the pen, taking a swallow from each torn throat.

    Even that was too much, he vomited bright red streams onto the south wall of the barn as he passed. Having purged he could now feed, and he wanted to feed, needed to feed. And humans were about, one in particular's scent was most inviting. He made his way around the back of the cottage just as Lucian dispatched Iorghu, he heard someone run up onto the doorstep, then smelled Skender's exotic bouquet. Hoping that nothing was in the way, he rushed at the source of the scent trail.

    Skender was pleased, Vali would watch his brother die, and Skender would have another memory, another datum for his encyclopedia of death. He put his knife to Lucian's throat, Lucian writhed in pain underneath him. He laughed at Vali's expression when he pretended to draw the knife across Lucian's neck.

    The laugh was the final clue Istok needed. He calibrated his trajectory, and with his good arm jerked Skender upright, the already healing stump he used to club the shorter man. Skender had other plans, however, he dodged the blow, dropped the knife from the hand Istok was about to break into his left hand, and drove it into Istok's middle, again and again, then again. With a roar, Istok flung Skender against the doorframe. Vali heard the loud crack as Skender doubled over, only backwards, and quietly died. Istok slid to the ground, even he could not recover from so many wounds inflcted in so short a time.

    Vali got to his feet, the moon was high overhead, he looked at the carnage that was all around him, it was like being back at war again. He hoped it was over. Lucian groaned, Vali went to him, looked at his knife-wound. Had Skender used the long blade, Lucian would be dead. As it was he had a chance, if Vali cleaned the wounds in time. He lifted his brother to his feet, together, they looked out at their front yard.

    "They're all dead?"

    I think so, we must check."

    "Is Dragos?"

    Yes, Vali replied, he is." Vali pointed to where Iorghur had shot Dragos.

    There was no body, only a dark patch that was most likely blood.

    "Where is Seeker?" both said in unison.

    Seeker was dying, he knew it, felt it. He had no complaint, many things had died, some he had killed. He was thirsty, though and struggled to his feet. He saw Vali, as still as the rest in the bloody tableau, but his chest rose and fell, he was sleeping.

    Then he saw the tall man-not-a-man. He too was alive, but he would not be for long. Seeker collapsed next to Dragos head. He did what dogs do, and licked the ugly wound. He licked and licked, he wanted someone to take him to water.

    Dragos eyes flickered. and the dog moved closer. Dragos saw the wound and used the last of his strength to pull the dog to him. He stopped before Seeker died; the dog had fought as hard as any of them, he wanted to save him, but there was only one way. He tore at the still-tender flesh of his chest-wound until blood flowed. Then he pulled the dog's mouth to the bloodstream. Seeker lapped at the warmth, slowly at first, then eagerly, faster, until Dragos pushed him away.

    "No, friend. You nust not drink too much this early in the change." He stood up, and felt dizzy. The healing would not be complete for a few days, in either of their cases. They must rest. He looked about him, dead, all dead, except his friends, and the feelings stirring within him he knew he would not resist if he stayed. He would miss the books, the readings. But he had a friend now, a friend forever.

    "Come, Seeker, we are going hunting!". Seeker barked excitedly, and together they ran up the valley, jumping the creek with ease.

September 6, 2011

  • Military Jargon is Totally SNAFU'ed

    Cut and run, stay the course, fog of war, and many other terms relating to our military adventures overseas, have become such cliches that they garner muted chuckles, masked by coughs, at briefings when uttered by a politician. We need to shed these overused phrases and acronyms, and either pick new words or demand the return of more sensible terms from the past.

    Here are some more overused military terms, with definitions and suggested variations

    exit strategy-how to run once you've cut
    I E D- booby trap
    boots on the ground--invading force
    friendly fire--oopsy daisy
    those idiots in Congress-those #@*& idiots in Congress
    collateral damage--oopsy daisy
    police action--war
    coalition forces --allies
    protect American interests--go to war
    asymmetrical warfare--No fair! Where's their uniforms? Guerilla warfare
    soften up--bomb the holy @#^% out of 'em
    regime change- soften 'em up, then put boots on the ground
    winning hearts and minds---stop softening 'em up
    Volunteer army-- they asked for it, lengthen their tours of duty
    occupation--money pit

     

September 3, 2011

  • THE TALKIN' 'BOUT OBAMA IN A DYLAN RIP-OFF BLUES

     

    I don't often talk about my friendship with Bobby Z, as I like to call him. I'd rather not say how often he comes my crib to chill for a few days. We drink a little burgundy, some harder stuff. I help him with his lyrics, we play a little handball, friend things. Anyway he had the germ of a song, which he then left with to me to flesh out, make it come alive. He will put music to it later, but I noticed that it strangely fits an old tune of his.....

    You started out so hot,
    you had the world by the teat.
    You took your political capital, and
    like a fool, you wasted it.
    You could have indicted the criminals
    who deserve time behind a moat.
    The only ones you punish now
    regret giving you their vote.
    Obama, what it comes down to in the end
    You're giving us a raw deal,
    the dems are gonna lose again

    Well the economy it's in the toilet,
    and the wars they won't ever end,
    so you choose to ignore all that
    and medicine you start to mend.
    But you give away the benefits
    that the people, they sure do need
    You play ball, then golf with CEO's
    and their parasitic profits you feed
    Obama, have you no business acumen?
    You gave us all a raw deal
    and sold out to the money men.

    We all tried to tell you
    you can rely upon your base
    You chose Wall Street over Main
    and spit right in our face
    And like two fools we listened,
    we tried so hard to understand
    How you could say don't trust these guys!
    Then give in to their demands?
    Obama, please make us understand,
    How you aren't giving us a raw deal,
    and you aren't really Republican?

    Homer he lives in the alley,
    Dickens' best place is worse.
    Dewar is sure his job's secure.
    Of course, he drives a hearse.
    And me, I'm hangin' on barely,
    younger men want my place.
    My social security will sure disappear
    While I stare old age in the face
    Obama, why did you do it man?
    You gave your base a raw deal
    And played the Republican's hand.

  • SAME OLD STORMY, SAME OLD SONG AND DANCE

    Tropical Depression #13 has become Tropical Storm Lee, and is looping around the City of New Orleans from the south to the west. It is too windy to pick up barges, too rough too cross the passes, and the Locks are closing today anyway. So sit tight and maintain a watch is the order of the weekend.

    storm brewing
    Yesterday, in spite of the sunshine, one could see the storm was getting close

    Img_9035
     By this morning, it looked like this, notice how the wind has torn up the white company flag on the pole

    wind in the willows 1
    40 mph winds are whipping the willows like red-headed step-kids
     wind in the willows 2

    Img_9041 
    Some boats are still working, as the Captain of the Port has yet to shutdown the Harbor

August 25, 2011

  • Steve Jobs, Already I-Miss You

    Apple's resident genius/founder/designer-in-chief Steve Jobs has announced his retirement as CEO of his highly innovative company. Medical reasons are given on blogs and in op-ed pieces. Jobs had pancreatic cancer in 2004, and had a liver transplant two years ago. Besides changing our lives with his revolutionary personal computer, he has led the charge that brought us the I-pod, I-phone, and the I-pad. His withdrawal from the company means that we may have a longer wait for the latest digital fruits that are already growing on the tree of research, while Jobs' adherents check for bugs, spray for aphids, root out some glitches, and try to get this metaphor back on track before harvest time.

    Here are the latest I-things rumored to be in various stages of development....

    1) I-glasses- hard-drive in one earpiece, flash drive in the other, the I-glasses feature a 3-d heads-up display on both lenses, or on the lens of your choice, so you can watch funny cats on youtube as you drive to work. The processor in the nosepiece gets a mite hot, and the cooling fans reportedly sound like tinnitus.

    2) I-Pet- The Japs have 'em already, you say? And real life-like, too, if you thought R2-D2 had an expressive face. If you think the last year of a dog's life, his moving real slow, bumping into things, and staring at you with sad kill-me-please-my life-sucks eyes, is so much fun you want him to stick around, by all means get a Furby.
    If you want a PDC* that can truly be your best friend, wait for this project to come to fruition, no more than 2 years out. The I-Pet can not only fetch sticks and balls, it can find lost keys, missing socks, that allen-wrench set that fell behind the dryer, you were gonna get that, and that hashpipe you threw out the back window during a bout of paranoia. Fill the reservoir with fake spit, and you will be loved on with Browser's flexible, teflon-coated tongue. The battery charger looks like a food bowl. Disquieting stories about injuries caused by the Guard-dog version (beta 2.1b, build seven) are in fact just stories, Sources tell me that the optical recognition software has been updated, and the jaw strength reduced by a large factor.

    3) The Mac-I-Tosh- This one requires some minor surgery, a USB port installed in the neck, connected to the spine. Yes, you will be the computer, you will surf the web, you will be the R in RPG's, navigate porn sites with your joystick (included). Apple is testing the product in China because they are nutso about new technology, they revere Jobs and seek the cachet that being involved in an Apple project brings, and the government has been co-operative when the occasional beta-tester goes 'blue-screen'.

    4) I-Key- The lowly key is getting its first, non-backward compatible update since the 1500's (b.c.) in this, Microsoft and Apple's first joint venture. Instead of scratching the finish on your car when you miss the keyhole in the dark, you merely press the key's 'Start' button. After the warm-up, a wi-fi connection is established. The key retrieves the password from a secure, password-protected site. The password is relayed to the door, which does not recognize the password because the 'caps' were on. Meanwhile, here comes the rain, good thing you have your I-brella with you.

    Some projects are still secret, with only the name and a few facts in the public arena:

    I-Yi-Yi - product unknown, said to be aimed at the latino market

    I-Mac-n-Cheese - Disposable, truly personal computer. Eat it and excrete it.

    I-What?- something to do with memory

     

    Steve, rest easy, you've done enough for one man, and ten lifetimes

     

    *-PDC Personal Digital Companion

August 17, 2011

  • Suicide Prevention is Not for the Faint of Heart

    "Hello?"

    "Peanut. is that you?"

    "No, this is Greg, who's this?"

    The voice on the phone was distorted by emotion,

    "Have you forgotten me already?"

    "No Jimmy, you just..."

    He broke in. "I don't want you guys to forget me. Please? Just promise me that you won't.. forget me." I could hear it now, Jimmy was pilled up, and he was talking about ending his life.

    Jimmy was a deckhand on our boat for several years. When his pill habit started to interfere with his work, the company let him go. We all liked the boy, he was a good guitarist, fun-loving, and hard worker, but he brought too much drama with him. He drifted from one boat to another, then we lost track until he called, out of the blue, a year later.

    "Jimmy, what the hell have you done?"

    "I'm sorry, man, please don't hate me, don't forget me, don't......"

    "We haven't forgotten you, man." Silence. "Goddammit, don't you hang up, Jimmy, stay on the line, man!"

    ' click'

    I tried calling him back, but there was no answer. Now what?

    I was on watch, sitting in the wheelhouse at a fleet in Mobile, Alabama. Jimmy was presumably calling from Marrero, Louisiana, where he lived with his Dad since his girlfriend had thrown him out.

    It was after midnight, what to, what to do?

    I picked up the phone and called Suicide Hotline

    "Hello, and how can we help you tonight?" The voice was calm and even, I felt better already.

    "I need some help."

    "Of course, and we are here to help you."

    "It's not me, it's a friend. He is on pills, and I think he is going to kill himself."

    "Can you put him on the line?" Mr. Mellifluous was getting warmed up, he was going to make a difference in someone's life this morning.

    "He's not here. You see, he called me and it sounded like he was...."

    "Can you have him call us?"

    "He won't answer the phone."

    "I'm sorry, we can't help you."

    "This is the Suicide Prevention line, correct?"

    "Yes, but we can only help a caller."

    "That's it? I need advice here!"

    "I'm sorry, really. I wish we could help you. Good luck."

    Yeah, love to the family, I thought as I ended the call. I found the number for the Marrero Police Department.

    "Marrero PD, Lynn speaking."

    "Lynn, I'm Mobile and someone from your town called me. I think he is going to try and kill himself. I need to see if an officer can go to his house. I have the address if you are ready."

    "Sir, I am just an answering service, the station is closed. I can put you through to the Parish substation if you like."

    I was still dealing with the police station being closed, but I told her to go ahead.

    "You have reached the Marrero sub-station of the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office." I couldn't believe it. Here I am, imagining my friend turning blue, an empty bottle of pills rolling out of his limp hand, and all I can do is play phone tag with false and unreachable purveyors of succor.

    I left a message, stating My worries over Jimmy's mental state, and gave his address. Then I called Lynn back.

    After hearing the results of my call, Lynn suggested I try 911. Stupid me, that had never crossed my mind.I thanked her, we pondered the lack of response at the sub-station, and I hung up. Just for the hell of it, I tried Jimmy's number again. no answer.

    The 911 operator suggested a) Suicide Hotline, b) The Police c)The Parish sheriff's office. After hearing my story, and after the operator failed to get the substation to answer, she gave me a number for the parish disaster response center, admitting that it was a long shot.

    "Homeland Security, Gutowski speaking."

    I didn't say anything, and Gutowski repeated his greeting. I had gone through city, parish, and state agencies, and now I was in federal territory.

    So I told Gutowski the story thus far, and neither of us had a clue as to how I got connected to him. It was early in the decade, and efforts to tie various agencies together had some unexpected results, one of which was that Gutowski's boring night was slightly more interesting than normal.

    "And Suicide Hotline couldn't help?"

    "They're a one-trick pony, I guess."

    "Well, maybe he was just having a good cry." Gutowski said, an effort to look on the less-dim surface of things.

    I hung up and tried the sub-station again. I was assured that my call was important; somehow, I wasn't reassured. I tried Lynn at the answering service once again.

    "I got ahold of someone at the substation, they sent a car to the address you gave me." Lynn said. "They knocked on the door, but no one answered."

    I waited for the rest, how they had to force the door open, and there he was on the floor, eyes staring with considerable awe at nothing visible to the living, a picture of our crew, the boat in the background, in his limp hand.

    "And..." I prompted.

    "So they left. That's all they could do, without evidence of a crime."

    I wanted to scream, "What about the call?", but I understood, although my lizard-brain was looking for a throat to tear out.

    I never found out exactly what happened to Jimmy that night, but he did survive. He lives in Mississippi, on a dairy farm, and is quite proud of his bovine lactating fluid-extraction abilities. I hope he stays clean; the social safety net has a few tears in it.

August 11, 2011

  • RETURN TO PELICAN COUNTRY

    Well so ya wanna drinkie? Whaaaa-aaatttt? s'Okay, I'll pour it real slow and careful....wanna drinkie

    Our newest family members, I think we make them happy.
    Pepe and Nikki
     

    calvatia cyathiformis 

    Large and delicious Purple-Spored Puffballs grow in my yard

    The Pelican-eye-zation of America has begun

    I went two trips without a camera, during which time Pelican Spring has gained a momentum
    that even I could not have anticipated

    Img_8266 
    They show less fear these days, and there is a certain arrogance in their glide.....

    Img_8306 
    The younsters are the ones to watch

    Img_8308 

    And don't think they aren't watching you
    Img_8322
     

    ....watching
    Img_8428
     

    ....and waiting, waiting....for what?
    Img_8327
     

    Img_8522 No one knows, but we all better care
    Img_8523

    Img_8516

     Img_8510

August 4, 2011

  • Ruminantings

    You know those idiots from the Westboro Baptist Church, who announce in advance their intention to disrupt a military funeral, all in the name of Heaven-sanctioned homophobia? I think we should form a charity that hires clowns and jugglers to perform at the same funerals, that should make the mourning families feel better.

    The legendary tenderness of Japan's Kobe Beef is achieved through a carefully monitored diet, and long daily massages of the steer's flesh. If there is such a thing as Kobe Tongue, I have a nomination for the worst job in Japan.

    Do orchestras keep an anvilist on the payroll, in case someone requests 'The Anvil Chorus'? Is there a second-chair anvilist? What happens if someone who's bipolar plays Bach's 'The Well-Tempered Clavier'? If a meth-head plays 'The Minute Waltz'?

    I was arrested for lighting up a joint of fake marijuana at a re-enactment of the Battle of Gettysburg. I got out of it though, all the charges were bogus.

August 1, 2011

  • Nuttin' Much, What have You Been Doing?

    Been here....

    econfina, upper reaches
    The upper reaches of the Econfina run hard through narrow channels and ravines

     

    Been there....

    Img_8046 
    Fiddler's contest in Atmore, Alabama

    Saw this...

    large mushroom 

    And this.... 

    lily in the woods 

    lily in the woods, close-up 

    We contemplated this....

     

    aug1 blog 

    Ron postulated that Native Americans used the depressions as mortars for grinding grain. I speculated on their origin, and decided that they are early versions of butt xeroxes. Those silly Indians.

    Pondered stuff....

    Img_8072 

    Then we went home...

    out of the running 

July 2, 2011

  • WHO ARE THESE GUYS?

    Every day, just before the sun sets, they start to gather on the Eastern Shore .......

    ritual 4 

    ritual 3
     The favored ones get the best viewing spots

    ritual 1
     Braving busy afternoon traffic, it seems they are drawn here by a force neither they, nor we, can comprehend.

    ritual 2 

    ritual 5
     They stand in rapt wonder as the sun slides down behind the trees on the opposite shore.

    ritual 6
     The youngsters, knowing no fear, try to get as close as possible to the waning warmth.

    ritual 1 
    The crowd thins in the darkening gloam. Where do they go? Why do they come? What gives?

     

June 24, 2011

  • COULDJA DJUST ADJUDGE AND ADJURE?

    I found a totally new place to walk, swim and take beautiful photos. That is what my blog is about, what I am about. This blog is not about baseless rumors, unfounded allegations, and the like. I hope that is clear.

    Take Environmental svcs. Rd off of hwy 79, turn left on Crew's Lake Rd, and you will end up here...

    Img_7943 
    ....a beautiful landing on the Choctawhatchee River, marred only by the gutter advertisement and...

    stalker
     ...This guy. I see him following me, taking pictures. What is he up to?

    Img_7974 
    Oh well. Anyway, this is the view looking north..

    FAMY HITS SOFTBALLS WHILE WEARING A DJELLABA!

    softball djellaba scandal

    That's a lie! Who said that? Where'd you get that picture that, after all, merely shows a softball in what Could be my yard. Can we get back to what is really important? Look at the odd shapes formed by the roots in the picture below... 

    Img_7960 

    He's got a bat! Look, he has a bat!
    bats djellaba scandal
     
    Here we go. I'm getting hacked, people! Yes, this is my patio, but that bat, and that tube that might possibly be used to send a full-sized bat to an IRA sympathizer in Ireland*, I never saw them before just now. Now, take gander at this pretty flower...

    djellaba scandal 3 
    Okay, that's my yard, but that could be anybody, anybody at all

    djellaba scandal 4 

    Yeah, it's me, yes, I'm wearing a djellaba. But do you see a bat? No bat!

    djellaba scandal2 

    djellaba scandal 

    America, I have wronged each and every one of you. I dissembled, I parsed, I out-and-out misspoke. In doing so, it may appear that I have hurt my friends and supporters, and let down those who looked to me for guidance...

    those I hurt 

    {Mel Famy has entered rehab until such time as the just-released Midnight Djellaba Basketball pictures have run the full news cycle. He asks that the media leave his family alone during this challenging time, and that politicians try to glean a lesson from this ridiculous parable.}--GC

    -----------------------------------------

    * Yes, I was going to mail 3 bats to Ireland for a 'friend', but the dumb-ass gave me an incomplete address. Now HE has a new address.**  

    ** jk, but isn't everybody in County Clare a sympathizer?

June 19, 2011

  • Clarence Clemons Has Left the Building

    c clemons The saxophonist as sideman is not new; Louis Prima had Sam Butera, Maceo was there for James Brown. And, from the late sixties until a couple of sad days ago, The Boss had Clarence Clemons. I cannot fathom Bruce Springsteen without the shadow of the Big Man Looming over him, that big fat sax sound about to roll over Bruce like a tidal wave. Clarence was more than a sideman to Springsteen, he was Beside-man, his powerful sound urging Bruce to sing louder, harder, better, or be drowned out. Clarence made Bruce the star he is. Had a saxophone been required at Jericho, it would have been Clarence that blew it.

    Terry was my good friend, and a musical snob. In his opinion, Springsteen was okay until he became an icon, one that Terry would trash with glee, pointing out unhip facts and playing me songs that Bruce had supposedly lifted lyrics or chord changes from. His circle of artsy friends were sure to keep a close eye on each other, looking for signs of pop sensibility that needed stifling.

    One night Terry came to my home unexpectedly. "Do you have 'Born To Run?" I affirmed that I did. "I don't have much time. Can we listen to 'Jungleland? I just have to hear Clarence's solo." I put it on, Terry sat there, eyes closed, enraptured when the sax solo started. As Clarence played the solo of his life, Terry alternately smiled, grimaced, and winced. As the last notes faded out across a desolate exurbia, Terry sighed and leaned back in the chair. "Thanks, man, but please! Do not tell anyone what I was here for. If my friends at work found out, they wouldn't let me forget this." I forget the exact words, I know they were cooler than that. Way cooler.

    Well, I never forgot, Terry. You left us last year, now when you see the big guy, ask him to play a little something. We'll be listening.

June 18, 2011

  • Tell it to Mullah

    mullah wudda Mullah Akudah bin Akantenda is a board-certified dispenser of moral admonitions. He is also stick, stone, and whip-certified.

    Most Esteemed Mullah

    May the merciful prophet shine his benevolence upon you

    Last week, my wife was shopping in the bazaar, when a gust of wind billowed out her burka, exposing her ankles and a portion of  her left shank. I am told that it was you personally, who immediately fell upon her, beating her for her shamelessness.

    First of all, I thank you for defending the public weal with such enthusiasm. My wife is now even more subdued and acquiescent than before, although I tire of repeating even simple commands. 

    Here is my problem, Mullah, may your tribe increase, may your cattle bring prosperity, may your tent stay tightly staked; ever since the correction, she walks with a limp. This causes her to lurch, and often my coffee cup is less than half-full by the time she gets it to my cushions, and her unfocused stare irritates me. I want to beat her for this, but I must know, how soon can one resume beating one's wife after a state-adminstered correction?

    Concerned Husband

     

    Dear Concerned Husband,

    Anytime after she is unceremoniously dumped from the truck in front of your home. One must not change routine, or the woman will become confused and uncertain, a sign that Satan has not found her body too unpleasant a place to dwell.. Obviously this is what has happened in your wife's case. Now is not the time to show weakness.

     

    Esteemed Mullah,

    I was wife # 6 of a man whose name you would recognize, and whose recent glorious martyrdom will inspire many young muslims to rise up against the infidels also left me up a Shiite creek without a paddle.

    You see, I was on my way back to the compound with fresh pita and mayonnaise (Hellman's, in the 2-gallon restaurant jug, his favorite, and when the courier also brings pastrami, there is much festiveness), when the Americans came. I ran when the shooting started, dropping the pita bread in the process. The word on the streets of Pakistan is that one of the wives is responsible for Illustrious Husband's death, so I remain hidden in the caves outside of town, only risking one trip to mail this plea for assistance. Men with guns are looking for me, my shoes have fallen apart, I have not bathed in a month. I am sick of mayonnaise.

    Helpless in Pakistan

    Dear Helpless,

    Your shoes have fallen apart, have they? So your ankles are revealed? I hope that you possess the piety to thrash yourself. Rest assured, we will not rest until we find you. And thanks for the tip about the caves, Whore of Babylon, Daughter of Satan!

     

    Esteemed Mullah,

    Hi Uncle Akuda! Just letting you know that I am doing well in London, I shed the burka, wear pants, and kiss boys. Life is so much better here, without the constant lectures, dour mood, and nightly beatings. Tell Daddy thanks for giving me life, but don't expect to see me on holidays. Gotta run, I have to put on my make-up before work, and later Derek is taking me to something called a swing party.

    Apostate in London (and loving it!)

    Who taught you to read? WHO TAUGHT YOU TO READ?? I will kill them with my bare hands. You are not my niece, you bring shame on family.

    p.s.Thanks for the cashmere sweater, and your Mother loves the truffles.

    ----------------------------------------------

    Tell it to Mullah appears thrice weekly in all the correct muslim papers. And ladies? He's still single, can you believe it?

    Want more of Mullah?go here

May 26, 2011

  • included: MY FIRST BEAVER SHOTS

    The only theme here is maybe AT HOME, WORK, AND PLAY

                     AT HOME

    come play with me!
    Go on, try and get it.

    praying feet
    I love my wife, from her head to her toes

    sage flower stalk
    basil flower

    The following pics are of a shell vine, or shell plant. Pretty flowers, but the vines will strangle you if stand still too long
    Img_5733
    Img_5730

    Img_5729

    Img_5728

    ON THE WAY TO WORK

    Img_6315
    mmmm....needs salt!

    georgia cricket 
    A Georgia cricket
     in Alabama

    heron in flight
    I put a sequence of photos together for this montage of a great blue heron taking flight

    Img_6298
    Any guesses as to the name of this beauty?

     Img_6302
    This flower was growing on the trail at Meaher State Park, Alabama

     

     

    I know what you are thinking, where's the beaver shots? Wait no longer!

    beaver shot 2

    beaver shot
    We surprised each other, and he took off while I fumbled with my camera

     AT WORK

    I watched from the bushes as this Yellow-Crowned Night Heron did a little angling
    yellow-crowned night heron3

    yellow-crowned night heron2

    yellow-crowned night heron
    He's caught something, time to eat.

     

    And now for this week's guest editorial.......
    pelican critic

    Hey, children read this!